Why I have no business taking a relationship to the next level (and proof that I have zero clue about women). Having talked about problems and misunderstandings in our relationship with my girlfriend for a large part of the day, our phone conversation was reaching its conclusion.
Girlfriend: I don’t know, you just give me the feeling you don’t really want this relationship. I feel you’re steering me towards the end.
Me: I really don’t understand how I’m giving you that feeling. (followed by me listing a whole bunch of stuff which illustrates my involvement and dedication).
Girlfriend: It’s not in the things you don’t do it’s the feeling you bring across.
Me: But I feel that I really want this relationship to work.
Girlfriend: Could you at least think about it?
Me: Sure I’ll think about it... But do you mind, I’m going to hang up now I’ve been standing here naked for the last 20 minutes while having this talk and it’s starting to feel a bit silly. Also I just turned on the shower.
Girlfriend: It’s not in the things you don’t do it’s the feeling you bring across.
Me: But I feel that I really want this relationship to work.
Girlfriend: Could you at least think about it?
Me: Sure I’ll think about it... But do you mind, I’m going to hang up now I’ve been standing here naked for the last 20 minutes while having this talk and it’s starting to feel a bit silly. Also I just turned on the shower.
Girlfriend: What?! ehm, yeah sure. We’ll talk later.
We hang up and I jump under the shower. Standing around under the spray of hot water while my mind wonders back to the talks we had that day. I’m washing myself when an epiphany strikes me. I quickly turn off the shower and dry myself, completely convinced I have found the source of the problem and on a mission to bring instant relief to the loaded conversations we had that day.
While still in my underwear I grab my mobile and call her back.
Girlfriend: Hey, what’s up?
Me: Yeah hey, listen I think I figured out why I’m giving you the feeling I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore. It’s all cool!
Girlfriend: Really? Great! tell me?
Me: Yeah so. Here’s the thing remember when you told me all the way in the beginning that I wasn’t in love with you but it was just infatuation? Well, I think a little while ago that infatuation died down! You know, causing me to look at other women coz I could totally have sex with them, but don’t worry I wouldn’t of course! I think you felt my infatuation go down, but I still really want this relationship, I’m just not infatuated with you anymore. So it’s all cool!
Girlfriend: *stunned silence* .... wtf...
Me: O wait, no no no, I didn’t mean it like thaaaaat. I still REALLY like you!
Girlfriend: Really? Great! tell me?
Me: Yeah so. Here’s the thing remember when you told me all the way in the beginning that I wasn’t in love with you but it was just infatuation? Well, I think a little while ago that infatuation died down! You know, causing me to look at other women coz I could totally have sex with them, but don’t worry I wouldn’t of course! I think you felt my infatuation go down, but I still really want this relationship, I’m just not infatuated with you anymore. So it’s all cool!
Girlfriend: *stunned silence* .... wtf...
Me: O wait, no no no, I didn’t mean it like thaaaaat. I still REALLY like you!
The miracle that day was that she didn’t dump my sorry ass right there and then...
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