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A letter to my imaginary friend

I know you don't like my writing, however after not speaking to each other for a while it became impossible to pick up the phone or to drop by. Especially in the way we parted. I fear your anger and rejection of my white flag. So I'd like to ask you to just ignore my writing and only read what I have to say.

Yes, I feel responsible for most of the things that have gone wrong. I must be the only person on this planet that manages to even screw up with his imaginary friend. We said some horrible things to each other last time we spoke. Of course I assumed that you, being my imaginary friend, would understand every word and all sub context. It seems that I was wrong, I've never felt as misunderstood by someone in my life before. I'm not passing blame, it's unreasonable to long from anyone to completely understand you.

We do have some crazy memories don't we? Remember when we were trying the difference in taste of that home brewed vodka I had standing in the cupboard? I Actually can't remember half of it, what I do remember is waking up cold without out any pj's on, a sore behind and that silly happy smile on your face. I know I shouldn't have ignored you like that for those weeks, I'm sure we were two consenting adults. (Hopefully you're not still sharing a mailbox with your neighbors. I'd like to keep this between you and me).

You know, I've learned that in some cases you fight the most with the people you care about. It sort of makes sense, why would you care what someone thinks of you when you don't care about them. You need to persuade them why you did what you did in order for them to understand.

Okay I understood that me canceling for your birthday party last ehm - well I seem to have forgotten when your birthday was. In any case, I understand that canceling 15 minutes in advance of a planned out activity wasn't the nicest thing to do. However shouting at me that I'm selfish and saying to me that, "I don't want to hear what your excuse is because canceling is inexcusable!", ironically sounded rather selfish to me. What if I was calling from the hospital to tell you that I was bitten by a rabies infested one eyed dog and they had to amputate my leg? That sounds like a pretty good excuse to cancel. I think that's even a good reason to not show without a word! Come to think of it you should be happy your birthday was so important to me that I called to cancel. But that's okay I forgive you. You see how a little kindness can come a long way?

Anyway, yes I know I'm unreliable as hell. I don't pick up my phone half of the time, the best thing you get out of me on an invitation is, "maybe", my convictions change as much as the seasons and I'll stick with pessimism until life proofs me wrong.  There's absolutely no reason any imaginary friend would accept the reality of me!
But I've known times where standing out on the deck on a night in springtime, was it Thursday maybe, was perfection. Life took on a different meaning. No longer was it this big long thing with a clear beginning and ending. It became ever changing morphing from moment to moment. And all the rest? All the things that seemed so important and in need of understanding? They simply ceased to exist.

Anyway, I vote to let bygones be bygones! You were wrong I was right, it doesn't matter. In the end you need me to exist.

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